Alone. Not in a bad way.

It's been a very long time since I've written anything and it's quite different than my previous posts. I just figured that I'd pen the thoughts I have been having lately. 

So, I'm travel nursing now and I've been alone a lot. I'm not used to being alone. I'm used to having people around me or talking to me a great majority of the time. Until this past weekend, I'd say that I was largely uncomfortable being completely by myself. 

One thing I have always admired is people that can go out and eat a meal by themselves. I know this seems trivial. I have a confession. I'm twenty-five and I had never eaten a meal out alone until this weekend. Yep. It's official. Now you know. Does that make me weird? Odd? Dependent? Try extreme extrovert. Since I have always admired the aforementioned types of people and I took a trip to Vanderbilt University, I figured that I'd give it a whirl.

The plan was to just do it and make it as unawkward as possible. What I found out was amazing. 

I can do this.

I really liked eating alone. Like, a lot. 

The first time wasn't too weird, because I sat out of the way and was hardly noticed. The more I did it, the less weird I felt for doing it. My best friend Kate told me that it adds an heir of mystery when a young lady is out to dinner by herself. I like feeling mysterious. I'm about as unmysterious as they come, otherwise. 

The mysteriosity thought (is that a word?) led me to think about how important it is for a female my age to be comfortable being completely by herself. Alone. Not the bad kind, though. I had always thought I was comfortable being alone and now I'm sure of it. I feel as if this is a step that Christ has been prepping me for quite some time and maybe I've passed the test. I feel that my comfortability with being alone is an asset to the future man I will marry, right? Why would God put the desire in me if He didn't intend to use it for His good? 

Anyway, Vanderbilt rocked my socks. Hopefully, I'll be writing you from Nashville starting September 2015 :) yeaaaa! 

The people you meet in Haiti

Beautiful. Pained. Tough. Joyous. 

These are some of the words I would use to describe a lot of the people I have met over the last 3 months. Some of them, I had previously met, but hadn't fully appreciated. 

Each one has touched my life in one way or another. I feel so fortunate to experience any of the good things and miracles that are here, within these people. 

One of the best gifts I received in Haiti is a new family. Yes, I have about 10, or so, new brothers. I love each of them for different reasons, but they are all beautiful men. They're caring and make sure I have a smile on my face. 

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

These are just some of the pictures of my new family. Of course, no one could replace my actual brother. I actually miss that kid. (Don't worry mom, things will be back to normal with all of us living in the same house for 6 weeks.) 

There are also some of the most amazing children and families here in Haiti. Resiliency is abounding everywhere you turn. 

The first time I met Louikel and his mom, she told me she had no education and did not understand anything I was telling her. Less than 6 months later, she was taking care of Louikel at home, in the countryside, and advocating for his care!

Be satisfied with what you have, for He himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 

I almost cry every time I see this picture. This is Louis. One of the loves of my life and per his papa, my child. I can't tell you how much joy this child brings. Maybe the picture gives a glimpse, but it needs to be experienced first hand. This little buddy had less than 50% chance of living when he came to the hospital. He is now home and RUNNING with his siblings. He had never run before, according to his dad. 

A joyful heart is good medicine, Prov. 17:22

This is baby Annabelle and her parents. They are such God-fearing people. I remember her dad telling me that Annabelle is with Jesus on the day she passed away. Such a beautiful family. 

(I plan to write a little blog about the things that the children in Haiti have taught me! Look out for it!)

And now I sit in the airport with a joyfully broken heart awaiting my flight to Miami. This place, this country, these people are my people and they are in my blood. 

M ap vini anko, Ayiti! 

Photographic evidence of a great time.

Psalms 90:2 Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

Psalms 104:8 The mountains rose, the valleys sank down to the place that you appointed for them.

Psalm 145:19 He fulfills the the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry for help and saves them. 

James 1:27 Pure and undefined religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep them unstained by the world. 

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time. 

Psalm 105:4-5 Remember the wonderful works He has done, His miracles, and the judgements He has pronounced. 

I wish there were a verse for being a rad nursing team! I love Kristen! Haha

Psalms 98:4 Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!

I hope that you enjoy these pictures! Didn't want to say too much this week, just wanted to show you some of the wonderful things that have occurred on my trip. 

The lady that cleans the rooms.

Rosie. Her name is Rosie. Just so we're clear. 

I'll get to my love for her shortly. I want to tell all of you how much I covet your prayers. This week has been the most trying week I've had since being in country. I couldn't have made it through without my God, my parents, Ellen, Alex, Kristin, Jen, and Kate. I'm eternally grateful for the different things you have been to me this week. Oh, and Scott for the ridiculous music in the car on Wednesday. You helped me forget about my troubles, even if it did remind me that I could use some help in the dance moves department. 

Okay, back to Rosie. 

As I write this from the floor in room #2, she has taken off her shoes and slid around on a towel drying the floor. Our A/C has been on the fritz lately. It's all Ellen's fault. Rosie has graciously agreed to do the two bags of laundry that I handed her and asked in my best Creole if she wouldn't mind. By the time I was awake, which was 9 today, Rosie had already visited each unit. (Yea, I slept in. Miss Chantal will be wondering why I wasn't at breakfast today.) Rosie makes a point to visit each patient and sing for the unit and pray over them. I only know "petit petit Kreyol", but I can pick out some words and get the idea of what she is praying for. Rosie is a fervent prayer warrior. She prays with passion. She believes that God can heal these people and is always serving with a smile. 

That's another thing I love about her, she always smiles. Always. I have become accustomed to not seeing a lot of smiling faces here, but she never lets me down. She is a picture of God's faithfulness. She is steady, never yielding. I can depend on her to greet me with a "bonjou Jessica" every morning. 

By now, I hope you love Rosie as much as I do. I hope I've portrayed her adequately. I'll leave you with a verse that reminds me of the type of woman she is.

 

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:25-27

It's all about the little things.

With so many things going on and so much to say, I guess I will mention a few of the little things I've noticed. I will let you see the significance. To me, each of these things is equally important, although they are small. 

• A family fervently prayed over their child and the leaps and bounds he is making in improvement
• The way I find that not many people I make eye contact with will smile with me. I feel that this is mostly because they know great loss here. GREAT LOSS. They have most likely lost multiple family members, quite tragically, by the time they are my age. 
• The lady that cleans the rooms, Rosie, smiles every time I see her. Every time. 
• That Rosie goes to each unit in the morning, before beginning her work, to see the patients and sing and pray over them. 
• Ricardo, the oxygen tech, has made it his mission to teach me a new word/phrase of Creole every day. 
• An orphan that every volunteer fell in love with is now in a safe place with people who love him. It may only be an orphanage, but the staff made sure he went to a place that would take care of him. 
• I am normally always the cold one at home, but somehow I manage to be hot at night when I am working. It is even funnier when I work with Julien. She is always cold and I always hot, but we just laugh about it and do our best to adjust the A/C as to not make the other miserable. 
• On Saturday, I wanted to purchase a Haitian cell phone, to better communicate with some friends here running an orphanage. The security guard changed into a t-shirt and out of his uniform shirt, went into the street with the money I had given him, and purchased the phone for me. He didn't have to.
• Although I missed connecting with the friends from the orphanage, they brought me chocolate chip cookies! SO sweet! It is amazing what you will cherish. I think there were 6 in the bowl and there are still 4 of them left. I will eat them sparingly. 
• I love the storms here. They are majestic and strong. The lightning puts on a show almost every night. With the city power being off almost completely by 7 PM, it makes viewing such things even more riveting. 

I'm sure if I sat here and thought for another couple of hours, I could write a hundred things. These are just a small piece of what graces every day that I spend here. I hope I have given you an adequate picture of some of the things I experience. I will leave you with a verse that I feel is appropriate for these experiences. 

Colossians 1:16,17 - For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:  And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.

When it rains in Haiti,

Forgive the rambling that I know will ensue, because I haven't written in a while. Things have been so busy and there have been so many things I didn't want to miss out on. 

I will start with what is fresh in my mind. The past two days it has monsoon-type rained here. It only rains for about an hour or two, but everything floods. I had thought before that it was so beautiful when it rained here, and it is. I didn't realize the amount of flooding that can occur outside of the walls of the hospital. It is hard to look at. Watching people try and drive/walk home in 2 feet of water on the road is tough to watch. Knowing that that water is overflowing from the sewer... makes me shutter. It is gorgeous to sit under the awning/lanai outside of our rooms and watch the rain. When it rains, the smells change, if but for a brief time. The air almost smells crisp (or maybe I have been brainwashed by the pollution). Either way, this positive fairy tries to find the good in the situation. That's a God-given gift. 

I have experienced death in Haiti this trip. And when I say that, I mean a lot. More than I would in a month's time at home in the states. More loved ones have passed than I can imagine, actually. It felt like every time I turned around, someone was talking about losing a patient. Thankfully, for the pediatric deaths my Aussie buddy Tom was here. It helped having some consistency and someone to ensure you that we did everything we could have done for the patient. It also helps to know whose hands the little children are in now. Along with this death comes grieving. Like anyone else, Haitians grieve in many different ways. Some people are stoic and want nothing to do with that loved one and some are wailing over them and have difficulty standing. I met a mother that was somewhere in the middle. She knew me because I was there when her baby came in and working the night her baby entered into Heaven, although I was not his nurse. She found me afterward and, although I don't speak Creole, I know what her expression and body language meant. I held onto her for about 5 minutes, even though I needed to get back to work. She, at first, didn't know what to do. She lightly touched my arms, but after about 15 seconds, she put her head on my chest and cried. She was at the hospital alone. Can you imagine? Completely alone. It was good to have that opportunity, even if it meant that she only felt comfort for those 5 minutes. 

One thing I am proud of on this trip is I am learning Creole!! Ricardo, one of the oxygen technicians, is determined to teach me at least one word/phrase every time he sees me. He is also open to questions, which helps. I learned how to say "thunder" and "lightning" last night, but could not type it in here to save my life unless I used my app and cheated. So, one thing I did learn from Ricardo that impressed the Haitian staff is "m'ap vini". This means, along with some other things, "I'm coming back." So, stay tuned for more Creole lesson with Jessica. 

Last, but certainly not least, I HAVE A JOB IN MN WHEN I COME HOME! Well, I won't be starting until January, but I will be working as a travel nurse! I'm excited to get to spend time with my family and may need some sort of random job in Maine, because I am weird and don't know how to not work. I have wanted to travel for a long time and now I'm in the club. Haha, I will experience negative temps like I never have before, but it seems like a great opportunity! I mean, I came to Haiti to sweat to death and live in pollution. Why can't I go and find a way to enjoy a TON of snow? I'm up for the challenge. 

I will leave you with my favorite verse. I knew that I loved it for a reason, but it's power has been made real to me here. 

"O, Sovereign Lord, You have made the Heavens and the Earth with your might power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you!" Jeremiah 32:17

Continue to pray for us here in Haiti. I would very much like to be able to visit the orphanage soon. I want to see children that are well and can enjoy the goodies that some sweet girls in Connecticut gave me to give to them!! I hope to keep you better updated since we will be having more pediatric staff in October!

M'ap vini!

The Beauty and the pain.

It's been almost a week since my last post. I can say there is much good reason for that. Some good. Some not so awesome. The group that was here the last week, well, they were amazing. The personalities and the tender hearts were all wonderful. I am so thankful for the time we shared. They made the initial "I'm really doing this" shock a little easier to handle. We have a new group this week and they are nice, although I haven't met some of them or can't remember their names. They are overall just nice. Except that one... 

This morning after three and a half hours of helping to resuscitate a 2 year old that we have no way to diagnose, I heard one of them say, "Yea, there's someone here for 3 months. Clearly, they're delusional. I couldn't be here longer than a week." Yep, you know me, I turned to her and said that I, in fact, was the delusional person she was talking about. This broke my heart. The people in Haiti need people who want to help, who want to be here, and want them to have the best things available. I can deal with the complaining about how we don't have enough supplies, because that means that individual wants it to be better and wants to do their job to it's fullest potential. 

On to less rant-type things, we went to the beach this past Wednesday. It was glorious. God DEFINITELY did amazing creating this island, let me tell you. It was amazing. Paddleboarding in the Carribean Ocean just after snorkeling some nearby reefs! Yes, I do believe those activities will exist in Heaven. 

I know this is a bit random, but I haven't written in days and I wasn't able to journal for about 4 days. 

We lost a baby last night. One that we suspected would not make it, but it is still a sad thing. The Lord led me to a scripture this morning. It was most helpful when I was journaling and feeling rather defeated. 

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all of His benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Psalm 103:2-5

Thanks for your prayers. I covet them.